Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your question. We know it is not always easy to ask such intimate questions and that’s why we’re glad there’s an anonymous avenue like this Dear Hadi column so that people can be comfortable inquiring about things they wouldn’t otherwise ask about.
In reply to a couple of earlier questions from readers, we noted that our approach to all such questions is guided by the general principle of Islamic jurisprudence that the basic nature of things is that they are halal (allowed) unless explicitly prohibited. This is very well summarized by the eminent 20th century scholar Yusuf Al-Qaradawi at the beginning of his book Al Halal wal haram fil Islam (The Lawful and Prohibited in Islam). His first chapter heading is titled: “The Basic Asl (Principle) Refers to the Permissibility of Things” - in that chapter, he states: “The first asl, or principle, established by Islam is that the things which Allah (SWT) has created and the benefits derived from them are essentially for man’s use, and hence are permissible. Nothing is haram except what is prohibited by a sound and explicit nas (either a verse of the Quran or a clear, authentic and explicit sunnah) from the Law-Giver. If the nas is not sound, as for example in the case of a weak hadith, or if it is not explicit in stating the prohibition, the original principle of permissibility applies.”
Using this approach, we don’t see either in the Quran or hadith, and God knows best, any prohibition regarding oral sex with one’s spouse so long as this is something both spouses want to engage in and find pleasurable. This would stand in contrast, for example, to anal sex, which the consensus of Muslim scholars consider haram (prohibited), based on several authentic hadith.
As we have stated in an earlier column on the permissibility of sex toys (from which we will quote directly), other than the prohibition noted above, we believe that the guidance of the Quran, the sunna and scholarly opinion makes it clear that within the confines of marriage, there is broad sexual license, and that intimacy and pleasure in the sexual relationship is a positive thing which should be nurtured and encouraged.
Thus, the Quran in Surat Al-Baqarah, states:
“Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe.” Quran 2:223
This verse was revealed in Medina, addressing questions from Muslim men about permissible forms of marital intimacy. Various scholars have explained that this verse refers to freedom of manner and position in intimacy. Scholars have explained that the verse permits a variety of sexual approaches that mutually satisfy both partners, emphasizing that Islam celebrates sexual pleasure within marriage as a blessing - not a taboo.
This is made quite clear by the hadith of the Prophet (pbuh), “In the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” The followers asked, “O Messenger of Allah, is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his desire?” He said, “Do you not see that if he were to satisfy it unlawfully, he would bear sin? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he will have a reward.” (Sahih Muslim).
In peace.
